a few things....about now.

something old something new...does it matter. the seconds tick away with the hope of becoming that ideal self and having an ideal life.. with ideal friends and loved ones..

when we realise that we actually live in a present that is real and matters and its not the Ideas in our heads that are true- thats when we can truly live.
to be truly living - and not jut surviving.

i ran 5km today. on a treadmill. i had a banana shake with oats before that. it was yummy...

i scrubbed my body with a scrub made of lavender oils. delicious....

i did all this but my mind was somewhere... in a world of ideals still.

ideals in the future that are so real and inviting that you no longer want the present real reality...

it takes alot of dicipline to live in the now- instead of in that make believe world of great colleagues, fabulous loyal friends and unconditionally sacrificing partners.

i am
writing my first book. its a semi autobiography. i have changed the feel and layout and content - often- cause i change everyday. and i have decided loooong agoo if you truly want something done - best do it yourself.


i write about mental health. existence. how we cope with dissapointments.
some people have let me down lately...
but a person who grudges forever lives in a dream. in a nightmare. so its best to wake up and wish the best for those who hurt us.

more importantly...be proud of yourself that is flawed. then you will learn how to become your best. falsely think you are someone you are not- and suffer the wrath of a life constantly needing to run from yourself and those who are kind to you... believing deep inside that you need to punish and condemn and threaten people.. so they keep far away from you.. and only you lose.
its self sabotage..the worst kind of sabotage.

Try to embrace your regrets- know
that regret true purpose is to teach you how to do better next time..

never regret what you regret.

:-) xxxxx